Im so embarassed and devastated plus the sex he didnt touch me but he kiss me but I understand because I only give him minutes. Weve been together for almost 3 years and Ive stuck out the lack of attention for about a year and it really hurt. Do not sound attacking or desperate. Required fields are marked *. He said he was my family and I took that wholeheartedly. Give him some space to work on his stuff and go easy on him for a bit. He doesnt think. Did your boyfriend stop making an effort because hes distracted or stressed about something else in his life? It was over a year ago that I asked my boyfriend if he would take me out on a date, but it never happen. Oh n did i mention that i literally have NOWHERE ELSE TO GO? I see slow progressions here and there. I feel lonely and he NEVER wants to go out or do anything. Notify me of follow-up comments by email. How come? Or, ask them for more details. I would have send him through money to pay for the tea, its annoying tho that I know he went out that night and bought all his workmates drinks. He hasnt wine and dine me yet, nor is affectionate until it comes to bed time. Show that you love them, laugh, argue, help eachother. I trust him and I wanna keep trusting him. So I like to know what hes doing or who hes with for peace of mind. I get it but at the same time if he wasnt ready to forgive me he didnt need to and should of taken his own time instead of us going through this. Hi Ella. The point Im trying to make is, if you settle for mistreatment and excuses for why its ok, youll only end up resentful and unable to trust anyone again. He always gives excuses such as I just ate and no matter what I still put my pride aside and do it for him. Again, thank you Sumiah and to the other ladies in this blog who support each other. Thank you Sumiah, for your response and your concern. Doesnt want to go do nothing but work on projects for the house. And more likely, he wont change. You have to accept the current man in front of you and decide how you want to move forward with who he is in the moment not who he was in the past. I thinking breaking up with him is definitely a stretch, but Im tired of begging my boyfriend for some reasonable attention. I buy him presents, I shower him with so much love. Which actually does NOT suck because I was married for 24 years and I dont miss having to make sure someone eats supper, has clean clothes, etc. Lately he seem a bit distant,he will pick my calls and reply my messages when he is in a meeting,now he complains that it upsets him a bit when i text him when he is in a meeting.. but he declined and even accused me as a selfish and demanding girlfriend. My first true love affair and I got completely ripped off or short changed. I know that feeling. He doesnt ever say I love you first, he doesnt hold my hand, the most hell ever do on his own is give me a kiss here and there and theyre quick pecks. No romantic dates (I know a walk in a park can be romantic but not when thats all you ever do together), no random little surprises from his side, no dinners etc. He has been better now and takes time to analyze his intention before he says more. I worked until 11 pm and he worked until 7 and this morning I even brought everything out ingredients wise for him to FOR ONCE make me dinner because I was getting home SO late and SO exhausted. Im going to be a junior in a few months and hell be a freshman in college. I so desperately want a date once in a while wether its once a month so we can enjoy each other and so i can feel like hes doing something special with me AND so i wont go crazy spending every moment in the HOUSE. If anything is like now hes got this new job hes checked out and wants a new life. I am the first gf my bf ever had and theres only so much I can pin on that reason. In the past few months that has changed and hes gotten better. I have been dating my BF for 7 months now. Thanks for your confidence in a random stranger. He also doesnt seem as interested in what I have to say anymore. He is mechanical and can fix many things. Now that family is gone and I have to build a new support system from scratch. MY BOYFRIEND AN I HAVE 2 KIDS TOGETHER AND WE BOTH WORK. But even after reminding him of that, nothing happen. it just makes me sad. I had a quarantine birthday and got a ton of messages and phone calls from everyone, but from him? Then he will call and say he thinks he will just wait until Sunday morning to come down, Sunday morning he says maybe that afternoon. The last few years have been tough. Hi, I really need help/advice Me and my boyfriend have been together for 9months and we really do love each other but a couple weeks ago we just didnt talk as much or communicate in person & I asked him if he wants this relationship and he said hes lost feelings for me (but he doesnt know and his heads abit lost) and it doesnt feel like were together anymore because the conversation is dead. Ive been doing long distance for nearly 4 years now which hasnt been so good with COVID but honestly thats just an excuse, I think our relationship was still doing bad back then. Actually they havnt shared any sexual pictures or that was not very sexual conversation. If I try to tell him how much I care he insists I dont. he has a 9-5 job and all he ever wanna do is go home and game after and its not that i mind but is it rlly hard to jst have dinner w me for once? we are a college couple of 2.5 years now. "It was hard taking the constant rejection." That same night, he stopped replying and was offline cause they had some family time and it seems his granny got ahold of all the electrical gadgets to make them sleep early.He told me the next day and we did catch up.I thought we were going back on track until he,again,stopped replying at some point. ! And then what we talked about was not set in stone and that things change. He just plays it off as nothing serious unless Im breaking down crying. But its not ones job to fix me. I signed up for therapy and told him that if my behavior was hurting him, that I was willing to change. I hope everything goes well for both us to get this relationship last. A Relationship Expert Explains, How to Recognize Signs of Passive-Aggressive Behavior in Your Spouse, Chemistry Between People Depends on These 7 Traits, Signs and Causes of Emotional Neglect in a Marriage and How to Cope, 8 Signs of an Emotionally Unavailable Partner, 16 Signs of Falling in Love That Mean It's Real, How to Stop Being Needy in a Relationship, How to Stop Overthinking Your Relationship, 10 Signs of an Emotionally-Abusive Relationship, How to Ask for a Father's Permission to Marry His Daughter. I love him so so much and I LOVE spending time with him. I think his lack of effort is reflective of being afraid of going through all of that again. Dont end up like me. He is highly smart so I am not going to spell it out for him. We were friends for about 2 years before I gave him a shot and when we were still just friends he would try to spend as much time with me as possible and hangout all the time. But I have been through more than enough pain and tough times for my age and I really wanted to be of help because I can imagine what you must be going through. You cant change how he acts toward youyou can only change your expectations. Idk what to do anymore. I love my partner but I just feel like Im too smothering to him, I thought this was how you ought to be in a relationship. I finally thought things were getting so much better for both of us. Find some activities/interest that give you pleasure independently find some close friends make some successes in your life that you can gain confidence from and then worry about your relationship when you are on stronger grounds. His plan to get a better job (he was very cocky and confident a massive promotion would just land on his lap as soon as he graduated like one day someone would email him out of the blue from Linkedin and offer him a CEO job or something) so he has become depressed. For a while there I was wondering if he was a narcissist, player or just using me. I had to call him! I was in an abusive relationship before so its scary having to trust someone and their intentions. I was in a similar situation when I was in college. Ironic the 6th year anniversary I spoke of then is on Monday and we were supposed to be celebrating by going to the place we went on our first date tomorrow, instead, because they arent open on Mondays. Ive been with my boyfriend since July of 2020. I dont think my boyfriend knows how to deal with someone like me. His golden excuse is Im busy. When I ask whats wrong my boyfriend bites my head off, shouts at me, tells me Im just trying to cause trouble when Im totally calm and just asking a question. I got up today and did mine in bed, he continued browsing the web on his phone which is all he does now when we are together. I would go on my off days when I wasnt in collehe classes or work. Am I expecting too much from him? Im still waiting on unemployed from when I lost my ft job in Sept. My tuition for spring is late. 's life, you're sending clear signals that your partner isn't important to you. LEAVE HIM. He did say that we wont be able to talk as much cause theyve got people over and he did apologise before hand but I really cant stand him disappearing during our lil catch-up session to play games,without telling me. I still feel like he is lacking in effort in me and the relationship. We just celebrated our 9 months of being together last Sept. He expressed his anger in silence. I love him more than ever and I know I made the biggest mistake of my life. I love my girlfriend but I never know what to say to her. He has issues, related to Pyrones disease. First I asked him if we could level up our relationship through meeting his and my family. I started skate boarding and going to the skate park. He is not interested in knowing what my love language is. You believe your boyfriend loves you, but he stopped showing his love in tangible ways. I discussed all these issues with him 2 days before. But when it comes to his business he always asks for my help and Im always putting things aside to help him. we recently got back together after a break up. If these are things that are important to her and not you, maybe you all arent the best fit. I would like him to make effort, look up someplace Id like and invite me to go. He says he works so hard for me or us so we can have the things we want in life and Im so grateful but money isnt everything. Thats sad. I dont think Ive really shared that with anyone before! or something but dont get mad if he says no just go do it because YOU want to do it Leave him the option, but if he doesnt pick up on it, just enjoy yourself anyways ^~^ cuz you deserve it You are working really hard and deserve to enjoy some time. forgive me for my wrong grammars im a filipina and im not that good in expressing myself in english. Ignoring a man based on false projections often has drastic results. Recently,he told me hell be busy with work and i tried to understand our situation right now..But he i feel like he doesnt seems to give much effort for this relationship to get closer. Your Aries guy might not be texting you back because he doesnt enjoy small talk or having long conversations over text. I been communicating with him about his lack of effort , no improvement. If he couldnt step up on this milestone birthday and anniversary, theres no way he never would. I think I should do alot of listening when we get back to talk again. I have three jobshe has one, Ive been threatened in relationships/emotionally abusedhe was cheated on. I asked about the plan we made and he didnt answer he started to be mean to me and not talk and then he hung up on me after saying he wasnt gonna go to hoco with me or prom and that he didnt love me. My boyfriend had proposed me to marry him on 3rd month dating.. then he was stressed up with his business he didnt know how to handle .. i started helping him and give him directions.. he was getting through in a good way ,though at times i had to push him as he haf started giving up.. but then he broke up with me while am at my work place .. it was terrible..but i couldnt let my personal issues interfere with my work i locked the door of my office and kept on working with tears.. three months later he comes back .. but again he hasnt mentioned he needs a favour .. but he kinda mentioned about something that i was helping him out with telated to his business.. i offered him help yet lol.., and the matter is going well on his favour and he has pulled off again.. bi communication.. am glad i had asked him once if he just came around cause he wanted favour.. he said he still have strong feelings for me.. but deep inside i know he is just using. Especially since at the beginning thats when you have your honeymoon stage with the feeling of butterflies and the sweet words. Gaslighting, deflecting if I try to reasonably communicate how I feel (because I am not allowed to ever have a problem). A week after that, I was at a summer camp and me and him were on ft. I know that may seem shallow of me to care about social media that much, but its only because he posts every aspect of his life online and theres never anything about me? I guess subconsciously I acted that way because hes quite lazy and I didnt want to cut him any slack in fear that he would put in less effort to maintain the long distance. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 yrs & was confused and often questioned his love for me & his commitment to me. In fact, because you are so young, they will most likely find you when you least expect it. I would put makeup on and wait hours for him to finish his video games, only for him to tell me hes sorry he got caught up, but hes tired and doesnt have time. Always honest. Don't be antagonistic towards him, but make him realize how much you He needs a chill pill and a real wake up call and renewed investment in life vs his career. I may be overreacting sometimes, but I believe my feelings are valid. He is failing to realize that I am being affected too. Like, Ive planned 90% of our dates. Were both going to France in September as part of college and were going to different parts of France. And then the other half of me cant help but feel like perhaps he just doesnt want to go on a date with me at all and thats why he never made an effort. After that I had to go home cause it was starting to get dark. Right now I feel like Im an inconvenience to him. I do want to believe its because of all his family issues that all this is happening but I am well known for making excuses for boyfriends when things arent right. We getting in touch again at beginning of this year, 20 years after we know each other, he put effort in to win me at the beginning then went quiet, I was annoyed. He said he was torn and worried about Coronavirus. i just wish he would be more emotionally available. He dresses professionally. But it hasnt. Around this same time, I decided to download the dating app bumble to see where it would take me. We dont stay up on call anymore, and last night we were on call for forty minutes and thats only because I begged him; however, the whole time, not a single conversation came out of it. Even on weekends hes working and most days he cant even have dinner at home with me bc his other entrepreneur jobs are calling. We have amazing communication, we text all day everyday, see each other at least 1-2 days a week, we dont argue much, our sex life is greatMaybe its just because this is my only problem that it feels like a big deal? A lot of times my boyfriend has realised he did it on purpose to hurt and he regrets his words right after. I understand law school is a rigorous program but for some reason he has been unhappy and stressed about everything that is going on in his life. she tells him SHE is sorry. Then once the virus hit, he completely changed. I am like at the I dont know what to do stage right now my boyfriend is not even home because I told him to just leave we got together super fast and since the beginning I noticed that he wasnt affectionate at all but I thought he might be shy but as time passed he still is non affectionate at all! The key is to not give them the key to our happiness. Or also he went out and was feeling confused about the relationship where he didnt come home therefore he ended things in the morning after having a long night prob thinking about it. He is quite affectionate and does make sure the bills are paid etc. Just stop allowing that guy to keep thrusting a dagger in your heart. Its Valentines Day and this is the only holiday or day in general I care about. I love him so much but I cant help but question if his effort is a reflection of his interest. He comes to stay here but thats it really. Nor was him working full time and on his masters degree for 18 months. And I would listen but then my insecurities would come back and were back to where we started. He doesnt reply to you, so he doesnt deserve to know youre going to find someone else. Could you be the one who's not listening? So we decided to give it a try. I dont have a say in anything and I cant express how I feel because he tells me its all on me and pretty much its my fault I feel the way I do. Why doesnt he show his love? He said hes tired or too busy. Its sad when other give you the compliments that you are looking from in one person. He got a job and now works from right after school until 8:30, six days a week. He Wants You To Approach Him First. I have been with my boyfriend for one and a half years. He then told me it was the appropriate setting to tell me I was super cute. Then quarantine hit. Maybe hes coping with financial problems in his professional or personal life, or grieving the los of someone he loves. Whats the point of working hard if you wont let yourself play hard? Yesterday he said he had tried to write in his journal in the morning but it was took dark and did not want to wake me. 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